haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
