something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
