My brain says no but my pants say off.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
