Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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