shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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