True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
