420 ftw
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
