So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
