We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
