I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
