it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
