Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
