Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
