Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
