i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
