First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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