I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
