I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
