His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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