last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
