dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
whose parrot is this?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
