she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
