apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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