I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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