Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
