Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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