I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
