Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
