he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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