I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
