I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
