ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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