He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
