I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
