jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Randomize
