break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
