If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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