i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
