I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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