I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
