idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
