Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
