Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
