I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
