You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
