And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Congratulations! We have a period
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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