She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
