hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
