I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
