Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
