Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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