i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
