I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
jump out the window naked night went bad
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