Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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