weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
sex in a hospital.. check
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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