atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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